This has been a very sad week for the Ellis household, we lost one of our own, Dusty, our horse. It was a very sad discovery in the barn that Thursday morning and has affected all of us, including his partner, Ace. It was a sudden and unexplained loss and as in any loss great sadness and strengths you didn't know you had emerge.
On Wednesday, he and Jeff had a great day hunting in the bush, and I firmly believe that one of Dusty's final great missions was to get Jeff home, and he did. If he had been in pain, or sick he certainly wasn't showing any signs of that. Like I said, sudden and unexplained. However, that doesn't really help, the unexplained. Because you always want to know why. But in this case, acceptance was the key and in the end there really wasn't a need to know why.
But, here is what I do know. Without us, Dusty would have been sold and killed a long time ago. See, when we got Dusty, unbeknownst to us, he was imperfect in the horse world. I knew when I heard that, that this was why we had him. To give him a good place and love for awhile. No one could guareentee us anything. That one day he wouldn't end up lame and have to be out down. But I knew, we had to keep him, so he joined the Ellis Brood and we learned. I probably wasn't the best horse owner, and I hadn't been spending time with him like I should have been lately. But I was kind of lost in the horse ownership club, because in all reality I didn't know what in the hell I was doing! It seems that this world of horse ownership is exclusive and full of people who either won't share the 'how to', or tell you too much so that you are overwhelmed. Either way it has been baptizing by fire and learning on our feet. So, if we had known more, could we have spotted something being wrong? Maybe, but I think probably not. I am a firm believer in things happening as they should.
When I got home to spend my last few minutes with himDusty alone, I found myself apologizing to him, I think for not having more time with us. I spent some time talking to him, and loving him and saying goodbye. It sucked. Gary Allen "Life Ain't Always Beautiful' sang in my ear as I combed out his tail to keep. But, through it all I knew I was doing it right, the mourning part. I was looking at him, touching him, saying my goodbyes and crying. But it was right. Did it hurt less, no, but it was healthy and I was proud of me for that. Jeff and I helped Michael through it as well. There is nothing worse than being the parents who have to tell your son that something he loved died. But as in Ellis fashion, we "Did it up right", had a little ceremony and said our goodbye's. We tied his tail in green ribbon and positioned it over a frame in the house. We celebrated his life over a great dinner that weekend and toasted him with love and thanksgiving for what he brought to us.
Lessons I learned here? Well, that the love of a horse is unique and surprising. That being a 1000lbs didn't mean you weren't smart and wise. See, I think Dusty knew we had saved him the first time. He learned to trust us and loved us in return. He put us through the paces and tried our patience at times. He was also a great partner to Ace, and will be sorely missed.
Watching a horse mourn is a tough thing to do. That day in the field, Ace wanted nothing to do with me, he was quite and sullen. He knew Dusty had died and he was, well, just lost. But as we stood out in the field, ut walking with him Ace finally came up to Jeff and butted his arm, kind of saying, I'm sad too. When Ace and I were alone and I was crying, he bent down and sniffed my cheek and the tears and leaned into me a bit - I knew at that moment that he knew I understood.
So, where do we go from here? Well, I think that's my lesson too. I think we will get another horse. I realized that in being with Dusty, in my boots and jeans that I really liked it. I sometimes get stuck in what I don't know, but I like it. I had missed the barn, the smells, the grooming, the quite. So, we will find another horse, and bring it into the brood. I hope that we find one who hasn't quite had the best life maybe and that we get to teach him what goodness is all about.
Love and loss. That sums it up doesn't it? Horses are awesome creatures who offer the world beauty and magnificence. I loved to watch Dusty and Ace run, what a beautiful sight. And that's where I think I will leave this one. With that image in my head, of the freedom in that run. I need to go bring Ace in, and help him, because he is very sad right now. The Carharts, boots and leather gloves, in the negative temperatures. All out to to meet Ace nostril to nostril and get a but in the arm, wanting to know where his treats are. Because in the end, its what Dusty taught me, how to love a horse. And for that gift, I will always be thankful.
On Wednesday, he and Jeff had a great day hunting in the bush, and I firmly believe that one of Dusty's final great missions was to get Jeff home, and he did. If he had been in pain, or sick he certainly wasn't showing any signs of that. Like I said, sudden and unexplained. However, that doesn't really help, the unexplained. Because you always want to know why. But in this case, acceptance was the key and in the end there really wasn't a need to know why.
But, here is what I do know. Without us, Dusty would have been sold and killed a long time ago. See, when we got Dusty, unbeknownst to us, he was imperfect in the horse world. I knew when I heard that, that this was why we had him. To give him a good place and love for awhile. No one could guareentee us anything. That one day he wouldn't end up lame and have to be out down. But I knew, we had to keep him, so he joined the Ellis Brood and we learned. I probably wasn't the best horse owner, and I hadn't been spending time with him like I should have been lately. But I was kind of lost in the horse ownership club, because in all reality I didn't know what in the hell I was doing! It seems that this world of horse ownership is exclusive and full of people who either won't share the 'how to', or tell you too much so that you are overwhelmed. Either way it has been baptizing by fire and learning on our feet. So, if we had known more, could we have spotted something being wrong? Maybe, but I think probably not. I am a firm believer in things happening as they should.
When I got home to spend my last few minutes with himDusty alone, I found myself apologizing to him, I think for not having more time with us. I spent some time talking to him, and loving him and saying goodbye. It sucked. Gary Allen "Life Ain't Always Beautiful' sang in my ear as I combed out his tail to keep. But, through it all I knew I was doing it right, the mourning part. I was looking at him, touching him, saying my goodbyes and crying. But it was right. Did it hurt less, no, but it was healthy and I was proud of me for that. Jeff and I helped Michael through it as well. There is nothing worse than being the parents who have to tell your son that something he loved died. But as in Ellis fashion, we "Did it up right", had a little ceremony and said our goodbye's. We tied his tail in green ribbon and positioned it over a frame in the house. We celebrated his life over a great dinner that weekend and toasted him with love and thanksgiving for what he brought to us.
Lessons I learned here? Well, that the love of a horse is unique and surprising. That being a 1000lbs didn't mean you weren't smart and wise. See, I think Dusty knew we had saved him the first time. He learned to trust us and loved us in return. He put us through the paces and tried our patience at times. He was also a great partner to Ace, and will be sorely missed.
Watching a horse mourn is a tough thing to do. That day in the field, Ace wanted nothing to do with me, he was quite and sullen. He knew Dusty had died and he was, well, just lost. But as we stood out in the field, ut walking with him Ace finally came up to Jeff and butted his arm, kind of saying, I'm sad too. When Ace and I were alone and I was crying, he bent down and sniffed my cheek and the tears and leaned into me a bit - I knew at that moment that he knew I understood.
So, where do we go from here? Well, I think that's my lesson too. I think we will get another horse. I realized that in being with Dusty, in my boots and jeans that I really liked it. I sometimes get stuck in what I don't know, but I like it. I had missed the barn, the smells, the grooming, the quite. So, we will find another horse, and bring it into the brood. I hope that we find one who hasn't quite had the best life maybe and that we get to teach him what goodness is all about.
Love and loss. That sums it up doesn't it? Horses are awesome creatures who offer the world beauty and magnificence. I loved to watch Dusty and Ace run, what a beautiful sight. And that's where I think I will leave this one. With that image in my head, of the freedom in that run. I need to go bring Ace in, and help him, because he is very sad right now. The Carharts, boots and leather gloves, in the negative temperatures. All out to to meet Ace nostril to nostril and get a but in the arm, wanting to know where his treats are. Because in the end, its what Dusty taught me, how to love a horse. And for that gift, I will always be thankful.
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