Love and Lessons

This has been a very sad week for the Ellis household, we lost one of our own, Dusty, our horse.  It was a very sad discovery in the barn that Thursday morning and has affected all of us, including his partner, Ace. It was a sudden and unexplained loss and as in any loss great sadness and strengths you didn't know you had emerge.
On Wednesday, he and Jeff had a great day hunting in the bush, and I firmly believe that one of Dusty's final great missions was to get Jeff home, and he did. If he had been in pain, or sick he certainly wasn't showing any signs of that. Like I said, sudden and unexplained. However, that doesn't really help, the unexplained. Because you always want to know why. But in this case, acceptance was the key and in the end there really wasn't a need to know why.
But, here is what I do know. Without us, Dusty would have been sold and killed a long time ago. See, when we got Dusty, unbeknownst to us, he was imperfect in the horse world. I knew when I heard that, that this was why we had him. To give him a good place and love for awhile. No one could guareentee us anything. That one day he wouldn't end up lame and have to be out down. But I knew, we had to keep him, so he joined the Ellis Brood and we learned.  I probably wasn't the best horse owner,  and I hadn't been spending time with him like I should have been lately. But I was kind of lost in the horse ownership club, because in all reality I didn't know what in the hell I was doing! It seems that this world of horse ownership is exclusive and full of people who either won't share the 'how to', or tell you too much so that you are overwhelmed.  Either way it has been baptizing by fire and learning on our feet. So, if we had known more, could we have spotted something being wrong? Maybe, but I think probably not.  I am a firm believer in things happening as they should.
When I got home to spend my last few minutes with himDusty alone, I found myself apologizing to him, I think for not having more time with us.  I spent some time talking to him, and loving him and saying goodbye.  It sucked.  Gary Allen "Life Ain't Always Beautiful' sang in my ear as I combed out his tail to keep.  But, through it all I knew I was doing it right, the mourning part. I was looking at him, touching him, saying my goodbyes and crying. But it was right. Did it hurt less, no, but it was healthy and I was proud of me for that. Jeff and I helped Michael through it as well. There is nothing worse than being the parents who have to tell your son that something he loved died. But as in Ellis fashion, we "Did it up right", had a little ceremony and said our goodbye's.  We tied his tail in green ribbon and positioned it over a frame in the house. We celebrated his life over a great dinner that weekend and toasted him with love and thanksgiving for what he brought to us.
Lessons I learned here? Well, that the love of a horse is unique and surprising. That being a 1000lbs didn't mean you weren't smart and wise. See, I think Dusty knew we had saved him the first time. He learned to trust us and loved us in return.  He put us through the paces and tried our patience at times. He was also a great partner to Ace, and will be sorely missed.
Watching a horse mourn is a tough thing to do. That day in the field, Ace wanted nothing to do with me, he was quite and sullen. He knew Dusty had died and he was, well, just lost. But as we stood out in the field, ut walking with him Ace finally came up to Jeff and butted his arm, kind of saying, I'm sad too.  When Ace and I were alone and I was crying, he bent down and sniffed my cheek and the tears and leaned into me a bit - I knew at that moment that he knew I understood.
So, where do we go from here? Well, I think that's my lesson too. I think we will get another horse. I realized that in being with Dusty, in my boots and jeans that I really liked it. I sometimes get stuck in what I don't know, but I like it. I had missed the barn, the smells, the grooming, the quite.  So, we will find another horse, and bring it into the brood. I hope that we find one who hasn't quite had the best life maybe and that we get to teach him what goodness is all about.
Love and loss. That sums it up doesn't it? Horses are awesome creatures who offer the world beauty and magnificence. I loved to watch Dusty and Ace run, what a beautiful sight. And that's where I think I will leave this one. With that image in my head, of the freedom in that run.  I need to go bring Ace in, and help him, because he is very sad right now. The Carharts, boots and leather gloves, in the negative temperatures.  All out to to meet Ace nostril to nostril and get a but in the arm, wanting to know where his treats are. Because in the end, its what Dusty taught me, how to love a horse. And for that gift, I will always be thankful.

Chicago is my kind of town!!

Well, I took a great journey this last week and traveled to one of my favorite spots, Chicago! I truly love this town and have been there quite a few times, and will go back again. I feel a great energy there, and love it each time. This time I added a new twist. I spent some time there alone. I traveled there and met up with one of my best friends, Brian and we spent 4 days learning Chicago and its museums! We laughed ourselves to tears more than a few times and had great conversations.  Then I spent three days there all by myself. It was awesome!
This is the first time I had done this and it was a test flight per say - to see if I would. And guess what I could and I did, successfully! Some of you might wonder, why do this on your own? But for me it was important because I felt the need to test this independence streak in myself. How comfortable would I be, in a city all alone. How would I eat! lol. Would I shop, like I wanted. Would I really go to the theater?
The answer to all of these, was a resounding yes! And I have to admit, I loved it! This isn't to say that there were quite a few moments when I had to step out of my comfort zone and trudge on ahead, but it was a great experience. I would recommend it to anyone; to give it a try sometime.
Here are some highlights.
Mary Poppins! I went to see the musical Mary Poppins and it was fantastic! I sat and watched one of my childhood 'hero's' come to life and enjoyed it on many levels. As always, I yearn to be on that stage and enjoy watching it from a performers background. I know a lot of whats going on behind the scenes and somehow I feel like I am in on a secret. It makes the show all the more enjoyable.  I also just sat there and watched it all come to life. The music, the dancing, the sets!! All were amazing. But I also enjoyed going alone.  Because this time it was my experience. I could simply watch and absorb. It was very personal for me and being there, on my own.  It solidified, for me, the lover of theater that I am, the knowing that I needed to have music and theater in my life in some way.  It was a great moment!
Shopping in Chicago was a beautiful experience, as always. I won't go into too much detail, because well, you really need to go yourself. But, I will admit to stepping into Nordstroms on the second floor and having a bit of a moment.  Being a lover of shoes, this is a truly beautiful store! And when one whole half of floor is devoted to the art and display of the shoe, well, its brings just a bit of misting to the eye! And it did for me. I had a great experience with my sales consultant and came away with some great purchases. You simply need to go, to just see it.
Eating in Chicago - again a tremendous experience for the taste buds. One you must go out and explore. I found this the hardest to do on my own. But it really was  simply walking through the door and getting my table. I simply got out my Kindle or enjoyed people watching. I enjoyed wine and good food and was treated very well. It was nice, peaceful in a way. Indulgent too.....but well worth it.
Sleeping in Chicago. I gotta give props to the Omni Chicago!! Great place to stay. I felt very safe there and looked after. This is an important element. If you travel alone, you must feel safe. So, book a room in place that you feel good in.  Spend that extra little bit to get this, you won't regret it.
So, what did I learn? Well, that I could do this, and have fun. It wasn't a hardship to be on my own - it was a nice break.  I was essentially taking care of myself.  Which I found was very important. We tend to go through life with our heads down and our eyes on the prize, whatever that is. But very rarely do we stop and take a breath and look around, on our own, and see whats out there. I really believe that this alone time needs to be done by more of us. You might like the break too. However, in the end,  its also good to get home....and ultimately, that perhaps is the best part. You get some 'me' time, but you also get to go home. Indulgent, perhaps. Gutsy, hell yeah... Worth it? Definitely. I enjoyed being by myself, but I also enjoyed getting back to my normal life.
So, I challenge you to think about doing it. Maybe not on this level, maybe for just one night to start, or maybe its going to Starbucks and going inside and getting a coffee and sitting alone, just to enjoy the latte! But try it. You might find you like yourself and your company.  Give it a try.  

I Love Fall!

I love the season of Fall. Don't you? I was thinking the other day about the seasons and all of the changes it brings. The colors, the temperatures, the precipitation. I, however, do miss the mid-western fall colors. So yesterday I went out and bought some. Now, I have the reds and oranges that I have been craving in the house and its great!
This all, believe it or not, lead me to some thoughts about change and empowerment. Now, there's a word that has been over used huh? But, I can't seem to find another substitution. Anyway - here's where I went with this. I empowered a change, simple that it is, to go out and buy the fall colors I was missing. But I began to wonder why that seemed like such a 'kick' to me. Then it clicked - I had made a decision to make a change and I had.
Now, let's move on from fall colors for a minute. Have there been other changes I have empowered myself to do - I could write a long list from small to large - of those. Some were great ones, some I needed to adapt and change. Some were designed by me and others designed for me.  And, then I found myself wondering about people in general, and saying, wouldn't it be great if everyone recognized within them, how they have indeed empowered themselves over the years.
So, take a minute, list them. Cool huh? It almost calls for a coffee chat right? To just sit and talk with someone about all that you have done and they share what they have done. I would love that. To have that conversation.
On the flip side of that, how many of you know someone stuck? Stuck in a pattern or a decision. Its hard isn't it, to see that. But, here's the thing. All you can do is support them. I have learned over the years, that me, myself and I cannot affect a change for someone else. I can only change me. So, while we all have those in our lives that we cannot change, we cannot be held back by them.  You don't have to stop yourself - from exploring and growing.  This doesn't mean you have to shake up your life or anything. Change comes in all sizes. (Then again, if a shake up would be good for you, then change away.) My point is - its OK to feel scared or nervous. But, its also OK to let go and to grow.  One cannot sacrifice themselves for others, including ones self.  It simply won't work, to ignore it. Because, in the long run, like the seasons, it'll come a knockin' whether you want it to or not.
So back to the fall colors. Take a look at a changing tree, if its an option for you.  You have it all on that tree. The golden ones that have already fallen. Some fell with grace, some laughing all the way down and I am sure, some felt sad, that summer was done. Then you have the ones dangling, waiting for the breeze. But so excited to see what its like, to float.
You have the half yellow, half green ones. A bit scared, but accepting what's happening, on their own time You have the all green ones, with gold on the tips. The ones that really liked being on that tree, but yet, are thinking about wanting something different. Then you have those stubborn ones that stay at the top, never fall, and will be a subtle reminder of crisp fall come winter, when you hear them.You know the ones, that turn brown and eventually only fall in the spring when the new bud forces them off the tree.
So, if you could just transport yourself a moment, which leaf would you like to be? Which one are you now? Because, no matter what, they are all an option for you.
Man! I love Fall, don't you?

So, What Will You Do With It?

Loss....isn't this such a small word for such a big event? Loss is a funny thing, and is something we have all experienced. It can be life altering and very difficult. But have you ever looked at it from the 'up' side?
As a teacher, mom, partner and friend I have seen loss come in all forms. From the loss of a favorite pencil to greater losses, like divorce. life, innocence.  But, what I have noticed, the grief that comes from the loss, is the same.  You may laugh at that comparison, but in essence its true. Have you ever seen a child lose that favorite toy? The reactions are the same, perhaps just more honest when they are young. Now, yes, this type of loss is trivial compared to other life losses, but I have learned something in all of this observation, both externally and internally. Its what we do with the loss that matters.
Sure, you can shut off life, run away, throw a temper tantrum even. But in the end, its all still there, and will need to be dealt with. Because when you deal with it, face it, feel it... you grow. And that, my friends is what I think the point is.
I am an individual who has experienced loss from a very young age, from all directions, death, divorce, moves etc. So, I don't approach this subject lightly. However, I figured out, somewhere along the way to accept these losses and move forward. In hind sight though, I realize that for a bit, I suffered the biggest loss, the loss of self.  When I figured this out, I was pissed!! Here I thought I had trudged along famously only to be shot down by my own realizations that I let myself down. What a pisser! lol... but when I came into this realization I also felt a huge lift to self as well.  What a great moment that was.
 Like anything else, when you have these realizations there is a flip side - and that was the paradigm shift. I no longer gave credence to the shitty voice inside my head telling me that I sucked. I yelled at it, to shut up, and over time, its got to a whimper. There are days I go without even hearing the b@#*!^!  But it wasn't easy. There were  major shifts in my life, relationship changes and 'rules' I set up for how I would be treated and treat others etc.  But, I have to say, its a nicer ride.
 I just wish, I could snap my fingers and be able to have this happen for those that I love, but I can't. Its a ride you have to figure out on your own. I am here, in support, no matter where or who you are. But, I can still write about it here, share it when you want to hear it, and simply laugh with you or cry if it helps. So, if you don't mind, I want to send some strength out today.
(in respect for privacy, I use locations, not names. LOL I know.....to obvious )
Oregon - I love you and your strength. You are such a powerhouse and such a strong, strong, lady. There are many, many things you should be proud of. I know you may not always like my tough love, but keep in mind, I had to get you thru the storm. Baby you are at the end. Can you believe it!!! We still will do Vegas I think. When you doubt it, remember where you were a year ago - run with it, its OK to be who you are. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!!!
Ohio - My gawd how we lave laughed and can you believe its been 21 years! You too, my fierce lady are a force to be reckoned with. You are strong, vivacious and worth every good thing that comes your way. I only wish I got to see you more. Love you.
Colorado, Henderson - You left a huge impression on me and I draw from that often. I see and saw so much strength in you that I began my journey watching you in yours. I love to see your accomplishments and how you are doing well. Miss you (T T too).
Colorado, Main Street - Girl and her partner, you move me to be better. I sat in your chair for years and grew there, even though you couldn't see it always. You made me believe I was pretty again and in turn opened your life to me. I will always cherish that and look forward to sitting in your chair again. I am proud of you and your strength. Partner -I can't even put into words how you influenced me. Thank you for loving her and learning to love yourself along the way. Its been great to be the observer in that growth.
Colorado, Fort Lupton - Now, here is strength. I watched you go through so much and felt along with you. I loved laughing with you and becoming your friend. I miss our talks and need to get back on that. You made it through a few of the biggest losses and I hope you see your strength there.
Colorado - Brighton Haystack - Baby- you deserve medals. I know, you say you are just being a mom, and yes you are. However, you have given life and nurtured that life beyond anyone's expectations. You are beautiful and are loved.
Colorado WindRower - I love you.. I miss you and I so have adored the growth of our friendship. You add strength to me in ways you don't even know. I admire and love you, indubitably.
Colorado - parents of students - Man on Man - I love you ladies. There are three in particular that I miss and adore. Such strong, energetic loving people. Thank you for letting me teach your kids. Isn't it funny that in the end, I learned more from them and you. Miss you and your kids, hugs to all. (PS We made the burritos, LOVE them!)
BECS sisters!  I love all of you! Thanks for the wine and and the laughs. We shared so much and I miss that. I do hope that all of you have found your strength and wings and are doing well. Mexico anyone?
OK -Thank you for the self indulgence there. But, in this group of fine, strong women, there has been loss. Loss that would cripple the normal bloke. But, not this group! They drove through it, rebuilt it, loved through it, stayed with themselves through it, and turned around and offered their strength to me. I will be forever grateful and hope that I can return it back to you some day.
So, loss, does it suck, absolutely. But does it mean the end? It doesn't have to. Its all is what you do with it.









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Hero's Walk on Iron Beams and Wear Hard Hats

I am always deeply moved on the anniversary of 9/11. I always take the time to listen and grieve on this day for all of the people and principals that were lost that day. This year was no different, except it being the 10 year anniversary. There was some great news coverage and wonderful stories to see. But, I found myself also celebrating on this day. Why? It had to do with a wonderful documentary on the Discovery Channel entitled
"Rising: Rebuilding  Ground Zero."          http://dsc.discovery.com/tv/the-rising/
If you ever get a chance to watch this, please do. It has  multiple segments and really is a great telling of how this place of horror is being rebuilt to reflect the past and the present hope.  I learned about a lot of unique people, that have been working for 10 years to make this site what is it today and will be in the future.  There was so much thought, attention and sensitivity in all of the decisions. From the type of cement used to the details inside the museum.
Did you know:
......That the fountains are placed at the footprints of where the original twin towers stood. That they are the largest fountains in America and that the head plumber, Jimmy Walsh,  who worked on the site from day one, lost his mother in the towers? But, he wanted to honor her, and gave his expertise to this project. He mourned and honors her there.
.....There is a single pear tree that survived the initial explosion and was found days later in the rubble. It was named 'The Survivor Tree.' That one man, Ron Vega, spent the last 10 years nurturing that tree and helping it grow so that it could come back to the plaza? Its there, part of the new park, and its growing and thriving.
.....That the iron workers who are work the balance beams in the sky continue their family tradition by taking the trade that their dad's did? You may ask why this is significant? Well, their dad's helped build the first World Trade Centers, and they wanted to give back.
......That each of the names of the lost are engraved on beautiful bronze plaques that surround the fountains. And that the Architect, Michael Arad, spent a year plus making sure that the names were connected? See the family members could submit requests and ask that their loved one be placed by certain names of friends and co-workers. And Mr. Arad and fellow associates worked diligently to make this happen, with over 3000 names.
......That Lee Lelpi  lost his son in this tragedy, created a memorial across the street and was a catalyst in making this project happen. He has been at this site for 10 years.
.......Each worker goes to work on this site, knowing that they are creating history. That they are the beacons on hope, per say, of  New York. Like one of them said, 'We are making something now! We are creating something for everyone to believe in again.'
......That there were some wonderful truck drivers who carried glass from Seattle, The Tridents from original Twin Towers, the Survivor Tree into New York City, late at night and became part of history themselves, because they brought the history to the site.
......The workers on the new World Trade Center worked diligently to make a floor a day so that the building could rise up to 1000 ft. for the anniversary? Crazy, Crazy stuff when you see how this building is being built.

I could go on and on. Yes, there was tremendous sadness on this day and yes, it changed just about everything. But these men and women who have been giving their time and expertise to this project have done so with honor. Some of them were there, searching through the rubble, for weeks. Now, they work there, creating and rebuilding. They seem like hero's to me, creating a place of life, out of so much death.

As we all know, hero's come in all shapes and sizes. And today, mine wear hard hats, with tool belts. They swing/walk on beams a 1000 ft up. The work the cement, they carry plans, they create the largest fountains, they nurture and care for the artifacts that belong in the museum. They engrave names and personally treat each name with respect. They live and love in that neighborhood, when they could have moved. And, they water trees, all to make a place of hope. Now, if that isn't a hero, I am not sure what is.

Poolside Chat

As you know, I spent last week on a cruise and had a great time. If you haven't been on one before you need to have a 'Picture Set'.  Pool decks are long and have many comfortable places for sitting along the pool. Some in the sun, some in the shade. You can get to the pool on either side of the ship and it typically sits on the top deck. Well, you can get some great people watching in on any day.
So, I watched one day..... And the biggest question I had was why did it seem that a lot of the people, mainly women were so insecure with their bodies that they seemed, well, like they wanted to hide it all.  Here's what I mean. Have you ever watched a woman at a pool pull and tug on her suit? Pulls it down here, up there etc. You begin to wonder why she bought the thing if she felt so icky in it. Then the person, who quietly looks around to see that no one is looking before they take the cover up off? Or the woman who kind of seems to shrink when she gets up to walk to the water? Like, "Please don't notice me!" I found myself feeling a bit sad... and seeing how unkind we really are to ourselves body image wise; I can only imagine the self talk going on.
As a whole, we are not kind to ourselves and women especially are very hard on themselves. We are critical and very mean to the' me', and we say horrible things to the mirror, and I really wish we could find a way to stop.  I watched women of all sizes and shapes and ages walk around the pools, and more than once I wanted to tell them how great they looked!
But, what I really, really loved was the fuller figured women out there and proud. They had on some stunning suits and showed off the goods and, frankly, it was awesome.  They had men with them, that loved and doted on them, and for the moments I saw them, they were loved and appreciated. That was such a great moment, because they put it out there - here I am, beautiful and happy, and I am not a size '0'! What great empowerment that brought. I know the courage that takes, and I loved it.
So, I randomly toasted my beer to them all! I loved to see them happy, having fun, soaking up the sun and getting the gentle, occasional touch from their partner. I also sent a silent toast to those that don't feel so great in their self. Hoping that someday, they wake up and start doing it for themselves and not for others.
See, I found 40 very liberating and decided that I was going to embrace it all. The looks to come, the looks I had now, and hope for the best. I like feeling sexy, classy and great when I dress! I find if I dress for myself, I feel great. So for you, if that means a one piece, or a bikini, then you go for it! Don't hide it! Because, take a look around, those 'sizes' you may be admiring, they too have a lot of insecurities that they are hiding. Size does not equal happiness.... its the "me" in you that creates the happiness.
So, friends, raise the glass of your beverage choice and toast yourself and begin the journey of accepting the you, that you are. You can tweak, improve, strengthen etc. but until you believe it in your head, and heart, how you look on the outside won't matter. You need to believe in your "me"! Go for it!  I'd love to meet you by the pool someday! Come, sit, have a beer with me, I'd love to hear all about it. 

Crusin' and Such

Well!! I am back from my cruise journey with lots to write - but today I'll stick to trip and those details. The family took a cruise aboard the 'Norwegian Spirit' that departs from New Orleans. We had a wonderful trip with a few added adventures.  Tropical Storm Lea added a few days to the trip, but I can think of worse things. :)
Let's break the trip down...
Norwegian Cruise Lines has some great things going for them! One of the best being the freestyle cruising! I loved that. You could go a to nice dinner in shorts and feel right at home. You could wander the ship and see people everywhere just enjoying themselves. The staff is great and did a very commendable job of managing 2000+ cruisers on an extra two days at sea. The food was pretty good and always available. The ship - The Spirit, was very nice. Although not the newest with all the latest bells and whistles it was still a great place to spend 7 ( oh, I mean 9) days.  If you haven't cruised before - GO! Its a blast a can add a lot of great life experiences that you can' t get anywhere else.
Places we visited:
Costa Maya - a nice, man made port that was a nice stop. We did not do much here, because we wanted to relax this day, but a brief shop. The people were gracious and kind.
Roatan, Honduras - You MUST go here! It is a lovely, developing place that has yet to be spoiled by commercialism. They are new to the tourist trade, only 4 years old, and the bend over backwards to be gracious and kind. The beach here was my favorite. The water warm and beautiful! The people are beautiful and really want you to be there. The island is as close to a Rain Forest that I have gotten and its gorgeous!  It does have its poverty and they don't hide it, but that's OK. Its good to see the world and all the faces it offers. Some may says its not polished and very fancy, but that's what I liked about it.
Belize - We went snorkeling on the Barrier Reef and it was wonderful. Some of the best coral I have ever seen! And the fish were gorgeous. This is trickier snorkeling because there is no where to put your feet down. You float in 15 - 20 feet of water. Beautiful, and the people here are as well.  They are kind and very helpful. Had my first run in with a jelly fish at the beach we later went to. Considering we think my sting came from a floating tentacle, here's kudos to those who have had a full on sting. Because - people, that hurt!!! Secret - use vinegar, takes a lot of the burn out. My arm was fine a few hours later, but not fun. (I was told by my 12 yr old that ' You took it like a man mom, I am proud of you' ) But, hey - when you swim in the ocean, you risk it right? I am proud to say I was right back in the next day!
Cozumel - Lovely place as well. We did an Excursion with 'Explora Caribe' tours and it rocked. We toured the island by jeep. Snorkeled, ate, saw some ruins, swam and drove the shoreline. Very cool stuff!!! Santiago and Alejandro were wonderful!!
Days at Sea - these were great as well. The last two however lacked sunshine due to the storm, but it was still fun!! We still danced, had some beers and enjoyed ourselves. NCL really should give themselves a pat on the back. They pulled two extra days out of the hat - which is not easy. Especially if you have cranky people, angry because they can't get home. the only issue here was that calling out was nearly impossible and needs to be improved. Also, lets stop charging for WiFi people- its the way of the world and having to pay by the minute is amazingly stupid. I will say that you could get free WiFi only on Deck 8 and at the Internet cafe, which NCL gave us due to the storm.
Finally - New Orleans!!!! Oh My - this place might have been my favorite really.  We were able to spend one evening before the cruise walking Bourbon Street. This is not for the weak of heart or conservative natured folks. It is a huge party, with eccentric people havin' a great time. Beads and beer are the ingredients and its a blast! Now, we also got to tour the French Quarter on Tuesday. The weather was perfect, the people were great and the food was outstanding. The history and the stories here are endless and require more time. The music is like non other and to think I was walking the streets that some of the best jazz and blues artists have walked was humbling, to say the least.  The service was great. the buildings fabulous and so worth a visit. If you have ever thought, I might like to go there - Go! Its one of a kind. I will be going back, for longer next time.
To sum up my friends, travel, go see the world. It offers so many more pages to view and think about. You see and talk to people with rich histories that you won't find in any book.  It adds so much color. I met some great people! Young and old, single, dating and married - all colors, shapes and sizes.  It was a wonderful journey. Go out, see the world, go somewhere. Explore those places that fascinate you. Add to your life, you will not regret it. The key - be open and flexible to meet and have happen anything. Its far more enjoyable than the closed in places some still live in. ( I have a few stories to share!)
Now, go book that trip.
More to come later........

No Apology Needed

I have made some interesting observations and have faced some personal truths in the last few days.
I think it finally hit me tonight that really - as Americans - we are not 'liked' very much around the globe, and that includes Canada. We had an unfortunate accident at my place of work tonight - and of course, as these situations warrant - everyone speaks of the incident and will they sue. Someone says ' Well, thank god he wasn't an American because then you know he would sue.' I spoke up this time I said ' What a minute, I'm American and that's not true." This individual said 'Well its what we see on the news I guess.' I can't be angry at them for saying it, - because they were right. How can I fault them for bad information.
I can't tell you how many times I have heard cutting remarks about Americans in the last few months. For awhile, I sat back, stunned frankly, and didn't say anything. But now I do.... I speak up. But, it still leaves me to ponder a few things.

I still don't get the connection between the negativity towards Americans to the never ending drive for people, including a lot of Canadians, who want to live in our country. To me, if you can't speak good about it, then hey, don't come to the country. I don't mean this in a negative way - just matter of fact.
Its OK to not to like America - even if what you think you may know is the truth is not.  I know the truth.
But, the sad reality is, what the media puts out there, the world sees. And frankly, in the world of 'news' (and I use this term lightly) it is more about sensationalism then it is about truth anymore. As a whole, we have done ourselves a lot of damage. Because just like a bad rumor at school - everyone likes to hear the bad stuff, no one commends the good.

I have learned a lot about inner strength in this journey and I think, as I will look back on this experience I will appreciate it, for what it has shown me. However, that doesn't make the cutting comments hurt less and it doesn't take away the childish need to 'one up' somebody. But, it does make me appreciate two things.

One: I will always understand, even to some scales it is still minuscule, prejudice. Because, even though its not pretty - its the truth. Its exactly what I am going through.  I stated before that Canada is far more diverse, and it is. However, prejudice exists here... towards many things, and yes to Americans.  Sad, but true.

Two:  I have a deeper appreciation and love for my country now and I am looking forward to coming home.  I have turned away from politics in the last few years, because frankly, I can't stomach it.  But, I wish for everyone that is out there, that trashes our government and its policies etc. needs to live in another country.
Because, when you do, you realize... we do have our faults, and we have and are making mistakes. But in the end what we have as a country and what we are/have built is amazing!!  All of those immigrants that you see on the news or talk to, who love living in our country. Their joy is true and honest. Because they have lived a very different life. We can throw around a lot of different adjectives and outcry's, but I now get it. They appreciate the gifts they have been offered.

Along those lines, I also wish for those in our country who spend there day bashing one another through politics and religion, that they learn more understanding and less judgement.  As an American - here in Canada - I am the one being bashed and judged and frankly, it sucks. Somehow, when the fathers of our country fought for our freedom, I am sure they did not envision the likes of FOX news and CNN being the voice of America. As the father of any religion, never imagined the judgement placed on others through the use of their names. For this, as Americans, we really should try to change.

So, here's what we do - The Ellis'. We are ourselves and we proudly tell people where we are from. We are taking the time to get to know our temporary home and respect it. We really like the people who have taken the time to get to know us - without judgement. We appreciate the differences between the two countries and will honor those differences. But, in the end, we will always be American, and we will not apologize for that. Not, in an egotistical manner - but in the manner of  respect and pride. Hopefully when we make our journey back to the states there will be someone here - who we have impacted - who will be one less person that will judge Americans, because they took the time, to get to know the people and not the assumption.
If that is the case- then indeed what a great journey this will have been.

You Did What??

What a great day I had yesterday!  Among other things, I had my picture taken. Now, you're sitting there saying 'OK? So what?' Well there is a bigger story here so, let me indulge myself and share it.

I have always been someone who knew inside their own self that there was more to do....more to be. Now, this isn't to say that I have always been in tuned with this, or even for some periods listened or gave a damn. But, there has always been a lingering knowledge that, 'Yes, kiddo there is more.' Hence, the love of my previous blog - Risk. I was deathly afraid to take risks a few years ago... meaning I was in a state where I was working very hard to control things, only to one day realize I truly had ( or really have) no control of life's events. What I decided I needed to do, was to  find a way to a better  'me' in this world.

For those of you who know me - you see now, what I wasn't able to be for many years and that means comfortable in my own skin. I am known for my laugh - for the most part, people love it. It does catch people off guard - because it is a true opening to me. You know I am enjoying something, because I don't hold that back. One of my dearest friends calls me and says ' I gotta hear your laugh....listen to this.'  I am also known for accepting things "as they are". When I am talking to friends and they are going through something I am famous for saying "So, how can you change this? What do you have control over here?"  So, sometimes we have to laugh and accept things as they are - including ourselves.

Now, lets not be mistaken here - I don't live a Yen type of existence. I am still very much a 'Growth in Progress.' One of my biggest growth days - my 40th Birthday. I wasn't sure about turning 40... had been mulling that around a while before the big day. But I woke up on that day, and I KNEW that I was different, would be from now on. Most ladies ( because frankly I have haven't talked to many men about it) know what I mean. All of a sudden, all this crap we carry around no longer matters. We can like how we look, find ways to be our true selves with a sense of 'Take it, Or leave it.' And I cannot tell you enough how truly cool this is. So I have been in this frame for 3 years now and I have been working on this. But, one thing I couldn't quite get over was getting my picture taken. HATEed it!!  Was not a fan. I avoided it. Until yesterday.

I decided a few weeks ago that I was sick of being afraid of this and I started the hunt for a photographer. I found one here is Airdrie - Amber Holt of Amber Holt Photography. I shot her out an email and asked if we could meet - I wanted my picture taken and wanted to meet to see if we fit.  There was no way I was putting this event into the hands of someone I didn't like.  So, we met, and I liked her right away. I was honest, and told her my purpose. This is a rite of passage...she smiled and said many women have come to her with this idea and she was game. 'Outdoor or Indoor' seemed to the biggest question.  I wanted funky, 'artsy' so outside we would go.

Well after prepping myself for a few hours at home - I picked outfits that I liked, did my my hair etc., ...left all pretension at home  and went off to pick up Amber. We ended up in Inglewood - an area around downtown Calgary. Funky, cool buildings with wild colors, and textures. I was her muse and gave her permission to do as she saw fit... we had a great time. I was changing in the back of the car - moving from location to location and following her lead. Now, I have no clue what she saw on the other side of the lens yet - but all I know is that I felt...well for simplicity sake, beautiful and fun. I felt really myself in that moment. It was great. Amber treated this event really as a 'non event.' There was no agenda...no stress. Which I have to High Five her on... because in that, I became comfortable.

I would encourage any of you out there to do this - just for you.  No kids, pets, partners nothing. Just you....its a truly great experience. Its a great way to look at your vulnerabilities and accept a little bit more about yourself.

I am a firm believer in 'No Coincidence.' We are walking through this life of ours with a purpose and we meet who we are supposed to meet, and go through what we are supposed to go through. Good and bad. Its how you take the introduction to these people and events. How we grow.... that matters. I just finished a fantastic book Eat, Love, Pray, by Elizabeth Gilbert. In chapter 108 Elizabeth Gilbert talks about her evolution. She equates it to the Zen aspect of "the oak tree that creates the very acorn that is comes from which is is born." On page 330 she says 'The younger me was the acorn full of potential, but it was the older me, the already -existing oak, who was saying the whole time;"Yes, grow! Change! Evolve! Come and meet me here, where I already exists in wholeness and maturity! I need you to grow into me!'

Now isn't that great that I read that today? After my big adventure yesterday? You've gotta love that.

Risk......

One of my favorite parts about moving to Canada is finding new music!  Country is just one of my genres that I enjoy, but I found this artist here, his name is Paul Brandt. He is a wonderful singer and song writer.  Here's how he ties in - to me.

Keep in mind that anytime you move, there is a time when we you through this sense of things seeming to be 'unreal'. It's weird and very hard to explain. Its like you are driving for this great distance and then you wake up and realize you are somewhere totally different. Things look different, feel different, smell different. For me, this time comes after the 'business' of moving. When the semi has come and gone, the boxes and house are almost set, kids are in school, you found the grocery store etc. You feel foggy in a way.

Well, I was there, in this place, honestly wondering where in the hell I was and why. And then I heard this song - 'Risk' by Paul Brandt. If you are lover of music you will get this-but it was one of those moments that you understood something larger than yourself.
First lines of the song "I'd rather stand on the edge of a cliff, hang my toes over a bit, and the jump when they dared me, even if it scares me and I get hurt. I rather build my wings on the way down, do my best not to fall to the ground......" and the song continues. But, I had a moment - because someone had put into words - me - and this was what I was in the midst of. I had risked a lot to be here - risked a lot of myself.

 Another line....'Oh, but I'd never discover new land, by keeping my feet  on the sand.' I could take this song apart line by line - but here's the net net - it's what this is all about - Risk.  It is scary, full of a lot of uneasiness and stress, but the rewards are, life, and what you get from it and what you take out of it.  Some of us like to hide - because its safer there. Its far easier to close oneself off, I get that, been there. But I have to be honest, I like this place better. Sure, its scarier than I imagined - but man, each day, I'm livin' and I love it! Some tell me - 'This isn't realistic, you can't live this way.' but isn't this exactly what I have done??? So, how can it not be realistic?

However, it is not for the light hearted. You can't take on a journey like this and not take a risk. What's interesting it how it affects your whole life. I may only be here, in Canada, for a short time, but the lessons I am learning are worth a lifetime. I know, now, that I am a risk taker. I like it here - in the risk - because I am living folks! I cry about it, I laugh about it. I get mad about it - I get so frustrated with the remoteness here. I can't fly anywhere under $1000. Or drive to see anyone under 12 hours - so what do I do about that? Well, frankly,there is  nothing I can do. I have to accept it and still go. Because I won't hide here and get lost. I will live the risk and go where it goes. And know that in the end, I really gave it all I had.

 If you are inclined, take a listen to this artist and check out this song. I don't expect it to reach others, like it reaches me, but, maybe one of you will see something about you that you have risked, and you'll get it. http://www.paulbrandt.com/content/music.

Happy 'Risk' taking to those who are good with it. For those of you, perhaps afraid? Just think of me, or someone you know, cheering you on as you build your wings on the way down! Here's a High Five!!  Congratulations......

Why Did You Move Here????

This is the infamous question I am asked almost daily! 'Why would you move here?" I have yet to discover all the nuances to this heavily laden question.  When I get the confidence and am in the right moment, I will ask back, 'Why do you ask me that? What is it that you think I am missing?' I want to hear the answers.  Because it is confusing as the American.  I honestly get the impression that when people get to know me a bit, they are surprised that I am not something they expected. I'm not sure what that expectation is , but I am not sure it is always positive.  

Canadians have a lot going for them. It really is less stressful....the media is vastly different! The news is not a mob fest of doomsday crap. The crime rate here is far different, and frankly they have more to talk about then the daily murder or sensationalized story our cable news junkie selves now crave in the the US. (Now again, keep in mind I am in Alberta - Calgary is far different than Vancouver or Toronto so someones experience there is bound to be different.) The landscape is beautiful, the population is much smaller, they love their hockey, they are diverse, in a positive way. They have a lot going for them.

But I wonder, what they think I am missing?  I know that economics plays a part. Our selection and availability of things in the US is like no other.  There is a bigger sense of freedom in the US, I think. I also think that there is more opportunity, in the US.  Let me explain. 

Freedoms - The government here, of course, is much different. Not better, not worse, just different.  They seem to be much more involved here and work very hard to 'look out' for the people.  Part of me gets a funny feeling about that - here's why.

The consumer/worker safety concerns here are incredible.  California has nothing compared to the Canadians. Everywhere you go and everything you buy comes with warnings. My new little netbook came with an online instruction book that has 10 pages of consumer warnings about its use.  TV - if your program has anything - I mean anything- that can be seen as a negative influence you are warned after every commercial break, before your show starts up again, what you might be risking yourself exposure to. Now, here's the irony of that....... they have some of the most risque commercials here, with no warning labels. 

If you are a smoker, the days of a camel on your pack are long gone. Here, your packs have all the usual medical warnings etc. but in addition to that, you might have a picture of a smokers lung (no, not clip art, I mean an actual picture.) Or better yet, a premature baby hooked up to oxygen. Right on the front of the pack. Crazy stuff.... but.... there are more smokers there, than I have seen in the states in over 10 years. 

Any other product you may buy that could cause you harm, has so many labels and symbols on them that you need a reference sheet to be able to tell how this might hurt you. 

So, I can't help like feeling like I am in a constant state of hand holding here.  Like, as a consumer I must be warned, because I cannot possible make up my own mind, or have personal choice.  Its weird. 

Technology is still working its way to my necessary standards. Its fair to say that in some respects technology here is about 10 years out.  Cell companies are owned by the government here - and are expensive. I truly can't remember the last cell tower I have seen. Which explains to my friends why our calls are peppered with losses and drops. ;)So, with all of these things, I can understand why I am asked this question. 

Opportunity - Schooling here is different. I don't have a good sense of higher education here. It's definitely different and I know Alberta is the victim of the educated moving out of it. But, I don't get a feeling like its a goal for a lot of people here. That college or University, as they call it here, is not an assumption for every High School senior. Its the exception I think.   

I haven't talked to many business people yet, so I will be interested to learn about the 'ways and means' of doing business here in Canada.  I know as an American, it is very hard for me to be entrepreneurial here. If you want a job here as an American, the company hiring you has to prove to the powers that be that there is no other worthy Canadian candidate. ( I will speak more to this as I begin interviewing more. ) Yet, the companies here are struggling to find the kind of candidates they want?????

So much yet to understand in this journey... So, I find the question hard to answer in way, I don't know enough yet to be able to answer it, honestly.  So, keep asking and I'll keep exploring. When I have the answer, I'll let you know. 

Connections

This is a wonderful word...connections. And can mean so much. It can mean what makes something run. It can mean what makes a math equation work. Its the making of a story, its the songwriter sharing. But connections among people, that's where we get a lot of energy from.  In my moving experiences, I have found myself far more open to these connections than a lot of people. I guess, maybe, I have been humbled by losing some of mine through proximity. But, I have found that being open to them, allows you to accept many things.

My son, Michael, has had some great ones.  I call them his stepping stones.
Where: Coors Field, Final game of Championship - Upper deck
Who: No name, just a great young man who shared his high fives, cheers, laughs and yes Bubble Gum, with my son. He included Michael in his experience, which was great to watch. And Michael has never forgotten that. When we left, Michael asked me what his name was... I told him his name didn't matter, it was the time you had and the memory created that matters.   Connection

My previous classrooms and all of my kids.  Its hard to explain this, when you haven't taught. But, each year there is this moment.  A moment after the first few difficult weeks, a moment where you look up as their teacher, they look at you as your kids and, bam..... connection. And it holds you until you are at the end of your 180 days... and years beyond.  Its really where and when the learning of life takes place.

My Hairdressers... OK, here is the key. If you are not connected to your hairdresser, move on. Because they truly can be the key to holding you together. There has to be the moment when she/he looks at you and they get you.... what you want, how you want to look. And they go to work.... but at the same time you connect personally. You learn about them, they learn about you. You laugh, cry....share hurts and joys.  Because of all of the wisdom in may hair, I can be in the chair for a few hours at a time.  But, I love this time. I get to bond with my girl, the women around me, who share many personal details, of their lives, and in the end work on feeling beautiful. It is such a connection, you really can't put a price on it. (Love ya Kelli)

  Theater and Music - Not everyone can experience this unfortunately, but being on stage with like minded talent. A connection beyond words. Its when you are singing, you look out and someone is watching and you have bonded with them, for just that moment. Its the dance or line with a fellow actor, where you share this look of "Oh yes..we got it!" or 'Oh S*!t how are we going to get out of this? And you do.You have to feel the other people around you.... connect. (Miss you PPH gang!)  Its the duet, the choir. Its the partnership between the vocalist and the guitar. Probably one of my favorites, because the instrument moves you, the vocalist forward, yet it can't move forward without you....

The connection within you to people of your past, present and future. I have had some very cool, and sometimes hard lessons here.  In a move, you can become disconnected. Not by choice, but maybe distance, or time.  But, it is interesting to me how you always find your back...to some. When you spend three hours on Skype...laughing with good friends and wine.  Wine Parties at my house, where a bunch of hardworking women can let their hair down for awhile.  Mexico, with friends, rafts, drinks and laughs, 'Bohemian Rhapsody', 'Sweet Child of Mine', etc. ;)  The traveling long distances and simply picking up the conversation from where you left off. These days it can be as simple as a text. But, they all matter.

My point here I think is that you can't really run from them, connections. They bind us together, and really keep us whole if you think about it. They are woven inside of each of us, for whatever reason. So, now I have to open up to new ones. Canadian style. But know, those of you who I have been blessed to connect with, I carry you around with me every day. You are the intricate weaves and pieces of my ever evolving puzzle. Thank you for that.

Its the 'Little' Things... I think (Part 2 Cost of Living)

I felt like the other post was too long, so I broke it up into 2 parts.

Cost of Living: If/When you want to come live here, accept the fact that is will be 20% higher across the board. We are lucky here in Alberta that we do not pay as many taxes as the other provinces, but we do pay our share. For instance everything single thign you buy has GST ( Government Sales Tax). We are lucky, we do not have PST ( Provincial Sales Tax ) as well as 3 -4 other 'ST's" the other provinces have.  Sadly, close to 35% + in taxes is what we dish out per pay. Its still vague because your taxes increase, as you make the money. You move bracket to bracket. There are some here who are paying over 40% in payroll taxes alone. Takes your breath.

Food, clothing, everything is higher. Now, at first, the sticker shock will cause a bit of a sway at the store. My friends hear me talk about chicken... here three chicken breasts avg about 5$ per lb.  One small package is $10. But, beef on the other hand is cheaper.  I pay $4.35 for milk at Costco, but $4.69 at the grocery store. Bread, wheat? Close to $4.  Cereal.. now this will kick you in the butt. Wal Mart - Frosted Flakes. $6.97 no kidding..... Now, this one makes me chuckle... Coors Beer, case (50 cans here) is $75.00, and Ernest and Gallo Wine, I have seen for $30.  For you non-drinkers, this is insane. However.... people buy it by the load, so supply and demand is at work here. I really just laugh when I am at the wine store, thinking of my struggle with corking costs in restaurants in the states

But, in the end you practice strategery ( yes, I know I spelled it wrong, you have to be a Will Farrell fan to get this). You budget, and figure it out. After awhile, you accept it and you pay it. What else can you do?  These are also big banes of frustration for the Canadians. Because, really, no one can tell the people, why its so much more expensive.  Just be prepared to shop in many stores... there are bargains!

All in all, both of these items are a huge lesson in 'It is, what it is...What are you gonna do?'. But, keep in mind, the Canadians are living well. They drive nice, often beautiful cars, they are all shopping, they dress nice and look healthy. So, in the end, its all perspective and paradigm at work. I know things differently, so I can see them differently. Its all in how you choose to adapt.
I find that I can't really complain about it... because I can't change it. (There seems to be a theme there I think.) In the end, I appreciate what I came from as well as what I have now.  Its all a lesson you see..... its how you choose to learn it, and apply it, that matters.

Its the 'Little' Things... I think (Part 1 Health Care)

Today, I think I'll talk about a few key points that are big here in Canada....
Healthcare:  As we know in the states there is much talk about Universal Health Care from both sides of the table. As a visitor here, with no political agenda, I have observed a few things.  First of all, let me be clear, I have been in favor of Universal Health Care in the states for years. I think the socialism rhetoric that is thrown around is, well, simply bogus. Because one just has to do a non-biased history lesson on socialism to see that what our country proposes is not that.  I think my 'in faovr' of this, comes from being a teacher and seeing my kids who are sick, or have other issues, unable to get health care because mom and dad can't get the 'right' job. I also see parents who walk around with health issues that they cannot get treated for the same reasons. So, universal Health care has its good points.
However, I am concerned that our country as a whole is not quite ready for it, and I think from my perspective, here in Canada, they might not have been ready either. But I think there are some lessons to be learned.
( note: this is strictly from the Alberta perspective, because it is different in other provinces.)

Positives: Basically, it is cheaper, for the basics. However, if you want any of the additional. shall we call them bells and whistles, like, oh an ambulance ride to the hospital, you need to buy 'A la Cart' but its still cheaper than what we are paying in the states.  But, a lot of the folks here can't afford that. ( more on that later).  When you go to the doctor, you walk in, have your appt. and walk out. No Co-pays etc.  Chiropractic health, massage therapy etc. are all covered as well. Prescriptions are cheaper too. Insurance companies and pharmaceutical companies do not have nearly the same horrific power they do in the states. Although the Dr. shortage is a concern here, there are many clinics available to you, 24/7. (However, I will admit, the 'Open" sign at the Urgent Care Emergency Clinic is a cause for concern. Lol)
Negatives: We were lucky to get a doctor. We were told that to expect to be a wait list for a personal physician. Some in Calgary are on wait lists that are 7 years out, nope not a typo.( Our Dr. is wonderful and hails from South Africa and chose Canada over the states to practice in, due to our malpractice issues/practices. ) So, we were lucky.  Another disadvantage is everything is compartmentalized. For instance there are no 'One Stop Shops' here. Blood work, you go to the lab. X-Ray? You go to yet another lab. Need a Specialist? Even just a foot doctor for instance, your main Doctor has to refer you, and yes you wait to get an appt.
Surgery... now this is tricky - non emergency procedures are set up by priority, availability, and yes, wait lists. For instance, one day as I was sitting in the great mecca for women, the hairdresser. One older lady was in for a hair set. Well, she was getting ready for hip surgery. Just got the call, after being on the list for many months and was going in the next day for the surgery. And that's how it is... when they call, you grab the time, or back at the bottom of the list you go. 
There is constant controversy over preventative care. Doctors want to offer more, but are held back. There have been doctors that have had to leave the country because they spoke out about this. There is corruption (gasp) in the government, and currently there are many investigations going on with the Gov't of  Alberta Healtcare. There are concerns that some numbers are being 'misrepresented', there are concerns that doctors are 'slienced' through various tactics because they speak out.
Finally, I'm just not sure I would want to have serious health care issues here. I would be concerned about the availability of the services.
Now, this is only my very limited perspective and I find that the folks working in the health care field are great. Hard working, dedicated and often frustrated. I have not had any 'bad' experience with these labs etc. But I find I do miss the personal touches that my Doctor offered me in the states.  So, I have no answers, or amazing fixer uppers.   Just observations.
So, if you move, come prepared. research the town you will live in for doctors. The smaller suburbs seem to be better off than the bigger cities.
Next item covered in Part 2

Differences to Think About

Like I mentioned before, moving to a new country is far different than moving to a new state. The approach you take, will really determine how successful it is for you. I, however, made some errors that I can hopefully help someone else from doing.  It's funny.... when you get hit with a moment of 'Oh, this is different' and you are caught off guard by it. Because, here is the sometime,s brutal reality, not everyone does things like we do in America. Now, you may laugh and say to yourself. "I wouldn't ever think that,' but trust me, it happens.  Some of those realizations come slow and are easy to handle, and sometimes they are harder, much harder.  So, here are some things, I have found to be different. Some silly, some serious. :) Take them as you like.

Food: Well, of course its different! But, here there is a twist. The packaging is the same, looks the same on the box, but you open it up and 'Hell, no this is not a wheat thin" is what comes out of your mouth. Funny story,( this does happen to be one of my favorites from when I was little, just ask my mom) So, needless to say when I found a box here I was excited! 'Ahhh... something familiar.' I Get home, all excited, only to open the box to this strangely shaped, not a wheat thin at all, thing. I say to myself, 'Ok, I'll try it.... game on,' but much to my snacking disppoinment its not the same, and it won't become the same and I can't change that. (See? now you know how profound moments can come from snack crackers.) So, where do I go from here with this? Well, to Costco in Idaho is where. No joke, I was visiting a friend in the states and bought damn near a shipment of Wheat Thins. They are safe, and snug in the basement pantry for me to enjoy. So, I challenged the difference. But, in reality I didn't. I just temporarily fixed it. Because when my stash is gone, well its fours hours plus to a new one. Its that, or take on the the new Wheat Thin (not happening :0))
Then there are other things, like American Cheese, so not American cheese. No offense to the hard working people here are Kraft Canada, but its not what we know to be American Cheese.  Pepperoni, for pizza, vastly different as well.....

Politics - Of course these are different. But in all things, there are similarities. People get very angry etc. Have strong political sticking points etc. However, there is one area that I wish we could adopt in the US. Their campaigning. Here an election campaign goes for 45 days (give or take a few). And thats it!! 45 days... and the commericals are not trashy, vindicative things that our country has stooped too. So, no crap for 100+ days.... 45 days in and out - over. Now, this is has a flip side. They can have these elections if/when either side takes a vote of confidence and the majority party loses. So in the last few years, there have been quite a few. But, I'll take that over the soap opera tactics we have adopted in the states.

Prejudice - Here, its really not prevalent. There are no undertones, or longs histories of bitterness. Now, this is not to say its not here... but you can't sense it on the surface like you can in the states.  This is one of the most culturally diverse places I have lived, and I like the color frankly.  Gay Pride is also alive and well here.. but on a much different level. Here, the advertise on TV the Gay Pride parades, with the very clear message that this is a time of celebration, not a time for hiding, that we are guilty of.  CATV - one of the Canadian networks has this great commercial, that shows how the parades are coming, with the dates, how its going to be great fun! With rainbows, balloons etc. Then they say ' Because, here in Canada, we celebrate the differences.' and the commercial closes with a face painted with a rainbow on it! Awesome stuff!  Now, as politically charged as this issue is... I'm not here to take that on. The point is, this is important to me, because of those that I love, and the fact that you can be gay in Canada, live as a married person, with all benefits says something. This I like, a lot.
One of my new friends here shared a story about going to Memphis and hearing some of the best blues! Now, she tells the story about coming out of the bar on Beale Street and starts to take pictures, of the uniquness, things not found in Canada. She comes acorss this retaurant with a catchy American name, that I will leave out and goes to take a picture. There are a ton of bikes outside and they vie to get into the picture. She takes it and they say "Aren't you scared down here?' " No, not all all he replies." They apparently looked at her and asked her where she was from... 'Canada!' she replied! 'You're different, we can tell, but its cool your not scared. We don't find that around here a lot." Hmmm... Not  much I can add there.

Paritoisim - That is the same on both fronts. Canadians love being Canadian!  You see it on shirts, flags etc. just like the states. Canada Day which falls on the 1st of July, was neat to watch. We went to the Rodeo here in town, and it was fun to see.  Now, here is an interesting observation.... you see others being patriotic, and its hits you, this is not my country per say - I am really just a visitor. you observe and enjoy, but you don't feel it like they do. I missed the 4th quite a bit. No fireworks, baseball, or Star Bangeled Banner being sung. It was, well, tough.

So here's the net, net. You cannot come into a change like this and expect what you assume will be similar, to be. Change is brutal, and fun and scary.  You will have to give up certain comforts, and things that you just didn't think about. You really have to roll with it, as simple as that sounds.  We really have no weight here as American's - we are just people that have moved here from the states. Now, here is the interesting part. Whenever we tell people where we moved from, they say "Why would you move here????" I am still exploring that.
Here is what I have learned - I do miss home, I do miss the familiar. I miss a lot of things.  There is just a feeling that is different. But, I also appreciate some things that I think I was taking for granted.  So, when I do visit now and when I go back to live, I will have a better appreciation for where I came from. But, I get to add the appreciation of these great Canadians. We could learn a thing or two from them.
But, they really need to learn how to make a Wheat Thin.

Medical Immigration and more....

Another note on the immigration process ( pronounced Process with a long o here). The physical... all Visa's here are restricted, so if you want to work with kids or have all your options open you will need to get an Immigration Medical exam. Now, let me preface by saying that while you are reading this on line, you will get mad. You will feel like an unhealthy, person who has just come to Canada to spread disease. No kidding, very strict, very scary in a way. Because the reality is, if they find something out about you that they don't like, they can ship you back! The process is a bit degrading and I was not a happy camper going through it. However, when all was said and done, really, a piece of cake. However...... I again sat in wonder, looking around the lab, at all the different nations represented, different socioeconomic backgrounds. So many people, looking for something different. I hope they find it. But in closing on this issue, provided you are someone who will go through this, take a deep breath, its really not that bad.

More...... it really is beautiful here. Peaceful where we live. But in the end, for awhile I think you just feel out of place a bit. I have read that it takes a year to really acclimate, and I believe that. Like I was telling a good friend the other day.... the road signs telling you where to go don't even look the same. So, its all different. What do you with that? Well.... you adapt, learn how to read kilometers ( 60 Km is about 41mph). Be patient and ask questions.  You explain that you just moved here, and yes there have been times when 'American' was mentioned and the temperature dropped, but for the most part these people are very nice.  I'll post some general observations later on.  I cannot express enough that if you are someone who plans to do this, give it all time.  It'll come. I am still waiting for some of that....but it'll come.

Moving.......

Well... let me say a few qualifiers first. Immigration is a very politically charged arena and I really don't want to bring in the politics of this, just the human element. Second... each country has their own faults in this process so this is neither pro USA or pro Canada.
OK.. First thought., moving to a new country is not like moving to a new state. I have done that a few times and it had its bumps, but nothing really prepared me for the complexity of this journey.  Immigration is a bitch, no other way to say it. Sorry. Keep in mind, I am Masters Educated, know how to read and speak English and we had corporate support. I cannot imagine doing this without these things. Its amazing the strength and courage all of these people who came before me and mine, and will come after. All to go somewhere where they wanted it to be better.
The Process: First of all, no one out there has all the answers about how to get through customs, immigrate etc. Everyone from the border agent, to the relocation company, to the lawyers to the everyday people have different information, and different how to's.  So, I learned to educate myself, dig, read, filter etc. Still got things wrong, wished I had a guru to fall back on, but kept on.  Keep in mind when you call customs they are not taught good customer service techniques, nor do they practice it. Here is where you really see the guts of it all. Border agents are very difficult, tough to manuver through individuals. A lot them have lost the human touch. Net Net, Customs is one of the toughest things I have ever gone through. They expect you to know everything that you are supposed to. Get very pissed when you don't. They also assume you are guilty about whatever. (Another tragedy from 9/11 I am sure.) Finally, they are coached to be this way, so you really have to keep that in mind.
Jeff's first trip through the border at Coutts was hellish to say the least. The age old adage, you can get a really nice one and then you can get one that will just look for things to be wrong, was true here. That is another story in of itself, but it did paint a picture of expectation and has laid out the very clear possibility that it will happen again. Hence it adds a huge stress to all of it. However, when we made the huge move with semi and all in March, we had some great agents, who were nice, helpful, and all in all good. Now, keep this in mind, each time at the border for our move was a 4+hour time frame. So, if you too are making this journey as a move, with household items, cars, pets, kids etc. Don't plan a dinner date for later, plan a day. I laughed when I read somewhere that selling everything and starting over was easier, but soooo true. It would have been easier to just have a suitcase, but hey, I like our stuff so we paid the dues there.
Immigration is truly up there on the journey list.  I'll add more later .

The Ellis Journey to Canada

Welcome to my Blog.... if anyone decides to read it. LOL! I wanted to start a blog once we found out that we were relocating to Canada for Jeff's job. It has been an interesting experience that has had a lot of ups and downs. I hope that maybe with my sharing, I can help someone else who may be moving here.   This has been a HUGE learning experience for me and mine. I'll add thoughts along the way..observations etc.

When we made the huge decision to move here we did so with open minds and open eyes. But we have found that no matter how open you are, there is always a curve ball out there to throw you off.  One of the biggest lessons we have learned so far is how to be an immigrant. Its an amazing and humbling experience.  I fully appreciate anyone who moves to another county. It truly is amazing how you can feel less empowered. How in the process you discover that you really are assumed guilty until you prove your innocence and that no one really gives a damn where your from. You have to go through medical exams and visa applications and border experiences no matter what.  Here.... being American isn't necessarily a good thing.

Before we began the journey I made the tactical error of surfing the net and finding out how Canadians feel about Americans.  To say the least....its not all good.  There is a huge misconception about Americans, as well as a huge misconception that Americans have about Canadians.  Its like a family truly, where the youngest feels left out and the oldest acts superior at times and forgets to include the youngest. But, what I find is that the lessons are still the same.....there are a lot of assumptions and a true lack of communication between good people. I do have to laugh a time or two, because I was reading some pretty nasty stuff and I got the impression that no one here was over weight. That everyone valued and loved their medical plans, that education was superior and all in all that it was just better here in the great north!  But, I thought wrong. Turns out that all in all we are pretty similar in most things. Sure we have cultural differences, different histories, different foods, music and word pronunciations. But as people, really.... we are all the same. Turns out that there are overweight, beautiful people here too. That the medical system here really isn't revered by Canadians, and that school, all in all is the same. So, I'll blog to share my thoughts and observations and maybe, just maybe, help someone else who goes through this to feel not so alone.